Life Is The Question, But What Is MY Answer? 

...Hoping to find out after a blog post or two!

First blogpost, i'm not nervous to do this, just excited as i'm hoping this could give me some sort of an idea as to what I want to do in life.

 I'm 18 and currently in the last two months of my college life, i'm not doing very well at college, it started off well but slowly i lost all motivation and just couldn't be bothered anymore. My attendance is awful, my grades are no longer the best and my main problem is that I have no clue what i want to do when i get out of here. All, or most of my friends have some sort of a life plan.. most of them are taking the very obvious and clear route of uni, the route that most people take, the route that seems the right decision and if you chose to not take that route then you feel like you're going to be forever unemployed struggling through life. I wish I was suited to uni, or the academic life, it would make future decisions so much easier but i'm really not so i'd be fooling myself if decided to apply. 

I've sat down and thought about what I want to do with my life for hours. My parents seem to think i'm just being lazy and say I should get a job and maybe travel, travelling would be amazing and I probably will end up working for a while, but the idea of being stuck in a full time, boring job just seems so unbearable to me. I don't know what I want, i just know that I want a job that's going to make me happy, a job that I don't dread going to every morning. I've had quite a few part time jobs, some in hospitality and some in retail, none of these jobs worked out for me. I find it so hard sticking to stuff that i have no interest for.. but this is the trouble, i don't know what I have an interest for! 

The one thing that stands out to me as something which i LOVE to spend my time on is fashion, beauty, and everything that comes with this. I don't know if i'm any good at the whole fashion and make up thing, but at the same time who decides whether you're good at it? Who defines 'fashion' and who decides what is beautiful? My general motto is if you love it, then wear it. I spend so much of my life obsessing over so many beauty blogs, wishing I had these peoples lives and not because i sit there and think 'oh god they have such a perfect life!' because i'm not complaining about my life at all.. i love my life, but because i envy them for having a job like this. My absolute dream would be to sit down, write a blog, talk about what i've been buying and loving, I know it's a lot of hard work as is everything in life but that's the kind of hard work that would really pay off for me. 

It's currently 1.16am and I finally hit a wall in looking at what I want to do in life, I gave up googling uni courses, part time jobs, apprenticeships etc etc, i decided to stop googling 'what to do with my life' and i decided to just, well, do life. 

I know i'm not going to wake up tomorrow and be some world wide blogging hero, in fact 6 months down the line I probably won't have any views, but really, what have i got to lose? I've actually really enjoyed writing this all over the place, somewhat cringe worthy blog post and i'm hoping if i carry on doing this then maybe through the power of blogging i'll find myself having some sort of direction in life.. who knows. 

nobody knows what the future holds and that's why it's so exciting, I'm someone who spends a lot of time worrying and over thinking things, i'm excited to take a step back, chill out and just see where things go. 

I don't know what this blog is going to be, I think I just like the idea that it's somewhere I can share thoughts, on life in general and more specifically beauty&fashion because that is my true true passion. (sorry for the cringey rhyme) even if nobody is reading this, it still feels like someone is listening so it's a good vent shall we say. 

For once i'm not totally dreading the future, i'm kind of excited to see where it takes me. To anyone that reads this who may be feeling the same, you've got to just do what makes you happy and don't be scared of failure, because trying is a success it in itself. 

Time for bed xo